Long Sleeves
by InnocentFighter
Summary: Ritsu had always worn something to cover his arms for the past ten years soon to be eleven. The people around him have grown to accept it until one day for no apparent reason he leaves work early. Will he end up telling the person he swore he never would. M cause I'm paranoid.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Long Sleeves**

**Full Summary: Ritsu had always worn something to cover his arms for the past ten years soon to be eleven. The people around him have grown to accept it until one day for no apparent reason he leaves work early. Will he end up telling the person he swore he never would. **

**Rating: Erm, placing at M for now because I'm paranoid and there are themes. **

**Trigger Warnings: Mentions of Attempted suicide, self maiming, and the occasional mention of sex. **

**Author's Note: Wha~! Damn here I am writing yet another chapter story when I should be working on my other ones. Sadly my plot bunnies where being exceptionally pushy and at some ungodly hour I was writing the rough draft for this story. Sadly my other stories are giving me a case of writers block so if I can write something else I may be able to work on them. This is my first M fan fiction, ever! So give me your feedback! I honestly didn't expect the chapter to turn out like it did with the style but I kind of like it. The songs name is Adam's Song for those of you that don't know. Now to give the disclaimer. **

**DISCLAIMER I OWN ONLY THE PLOT THE CHARACTERS BELONG TO THEIR CREATOR. I MAKE NO MONEY FROM THIS! NOR DO I OWN THE SONG USED IN THIS FANFICTION. IT BELONGS TO BLINK 182.**

_¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾_

_I never thought I'd die alone_

_I laughed the loudest who'd have known__?_

_I trace the cord back to the wall_

_No wonder it was never plugged in at all_

_I took my time, I hurried up_

_The choice was mine I didn't think enough_

_I'm too depressed to go on_

_You'll be sorry when I'm gone_

_I never conquered, rarely came_

_16 just held such better days_

_Days when I still felt aliv__e_

_We couldn't wait to get outside_

_The world was wide, too late to try_

_The tour was over we'd survived_

_I couldn't wait till I got home_

_To pass the time in my room alone_

_I never thought I'd die alon__e_

_Another six months I'll be unknown_

_Give all my things to all my friends_

_You'll never step foot in my room again_

_You'll close it off, board it up_

_Remember the time that I spilled the cup _

_Of apple juice in the hall_

_Please tell mom this is not her faul__t_

_I never conquered, rarely came_

_16 just held such better days_

_Days when I still felt alive_

_We couldn't wait to get outside_

_The world was wide, too late to try_

_The tour was over we'd survived_

_I couldn't wait till I got home_

_To pass the time in my room alone_

_I never conquered, rarely came_

_But tomorrow holds such better days_

_Days when I can still feel alive_

_When I can't wait to get outside_

_The world is wide, the time goes by_

_The tour is over, I've survived_

_I can't wait till I get home_

_To pass the time in my room alone_

_¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾_

Ritsu grumbled angrily. It wasn't that he hated his job but it wasn't his first choice in careers. It didn't help that his boss was an old flame from ten years ago, well it wasn't only a flame, the man was his first love. The relationship ended up falling apart. Now a decade later that particular part of his life had come back to bite him in the ass, hard.

He got dressed in the usual long sleeve shirt it only happened to be a light beige. Grabbing his bag and a nutrient supplement he headed out the door. As fate would have it the last person he wanted to see at the moment walked out of the apartment at the same exact time. Ritsu silently debated bolting back into his apartment before Takano could spot him. Too late.

"Good morning!" Takano greeted somewhat warmly.

"Mornin'." Ritsu grumbled.

Takano gave Ritsu a quick check over noticing the long sleeves. "Why the long sleeves?"

"I wanted to look a little professional." Ritsu lied easily.

"It's going to be hot out though. You'll overheat! Are you sick? Do you feel cold?" Takano asked rapidly. Concern lacing his voice.

Ritsu heard the concern but blocked it out like normal. But it still managed to cause him to blush. "I've always worn long sleeves or a jacket. Its comfortable.""I've noticed." Takano said walking into the elevator. Ritsu barely a step behind him.

Ritsu knew it was going to be hot. But it didn't matter to him, he would barely be outside anyhow. He felt what he was hiding was worth the mild discomfort of the heat instead of the pitying worried looks he would get if his co-workers saw the scars he hid. Besides he had to look strong he didn't want to be seen as weak. He already had been right up until he joined his father's company. Then it was a different fight.

There was one day each year where he would allow himself to wallow in the memory of what happened ten years ago and what nearly did happen. He had no idea why it just became some sort of twisted tradition.

Breaking the silence of the elevator that had settled over the two Ritsu spoke up. "What's today's date?"

Takano wasn't expecting the question and wasn't able to give an answer. "I'm not sure look it up at work."

Ritsu shrugged and the pair fell silent.

Suddenly Ritsu got a wave of flashbacks the he barely was able to push back in time. Almost at the same time his left hand clamped on to his right wrist. Takano saw the movement but didn't say anything. Ritsu seemed to be in a bad mood this morning and Takano really didn't feel like getting slapped.

Ritsu was glad that for once Takano didn't make a pass at him. Ritsu had a feeling of dread creeping up on him and he chose to ignore it hoping to get through the day without inbcident.

On the walk to the station, at the station, on the train, and the walk to their place of employment, Takano realized that Ritsu was constantly rubbing his wrist, he didn't seem to realize he was doing it and it was exactly distracting it was just odd.

Once they arrived at the forth floor Ristu and Takano went to their own desk and just as Ritsu was about to open his laptop when he caught sight of the day. It couldn't be.

That's why he had the sudden rush of memories. He wasn't used to repressing them on this day and subconsciously he knew that today was _that _day.

He tried and failed to push back the memories. He felt himself start to hyperventilate.

_It was a warm and bright afternoon and the two teens where getting dressed after an intense session of lovemaking. Ritsu was caught up in the moment and he let his true emotions fly. He watched his Senpai carefully waiting for the reaction. There was few unmemorable words said and then that one damned sound._

'_Heh.'_

_Ritsu recalled the feeling of his heart shattering and the pressure behind his eyes alerting him that he was going to cry. He held back the tears the best he could. It seemed his Senpai wasn't aware of what he caused. _

_He remembered feeling like lead as he slowly, so slowly finished making himself presentable. Smoothing his hair he remembered what it was like to make his way to the door and unlock it._

_The voice he used to call out that final farewell, it sounded dead to him but to his Senpai it seemed like a farewell until later. The feeling of absolution as he waked out of the room. He knew that the moment he reached the front door everything between him and Saga-Senpai would be over. There was a strange feeling of absolution as he opened the front door and then there was nothing. Not even realizing that the sky had turned to rain. He never registered that it was raining. As if everything that was him was left behind to the boy who was probably nose deep into a book waiting until he was kicked out then once he had to leave he would head back to his house and wait for his "Boyfriend" to spend the night. _

_He remembered that once he reached the door he moved up to his room. A few hours ago he was the happiest boy alive now he was only a shell. He sat cross legged on his bed and stared at the blank wall in front of him. The wall had nothing on it. Just like he felt. He recalled knowing that he wasn't going to get any sleep. _

_The feeling of knowing that he couldn't go on was the one thought circling his mind. He carefully reached for the scissors on his bed side table. Not knowing his mother was coming towards his room to tell him dinner was ready. _

_The cold unforgiving steel of the scissors touched over the vein on his wrist. He slowly put pressure onto the blade feeling the biting of the steel and the slowly trickle of crimson flowing out of the cut. Then in one fluid monition he raked the blade across the vein, causing crimson to flow freer and faster. He laid down feeling the nothingness and peace._

_He remembered when his mind went hazy and how he was forgetting things. He began to close his eyes. _

_He, didn't however remember his mother's terrified shrieks, and the screaming for her husband. Or his father running to get the first aid get to at least slow the bleeding down. His hearing was the first thing to go, he couldn't hear his mother calling the ambulance or her pleading to stay with her. _

_He remembered waking up in a hospital with faceless people coming and going. The countless questions that were asked by the doctors and his parents. _

_He remembered telling them it was an accident. That he had a loose string on his shirt and when he went to cut it he misjudged the placing of the blade. _

_He remember the relief he saw on the doctors and his parents faces when he said it was a really unlucky accident and that he didn't do it on purpose. _

_He asked his parents if he could leave and study abroad. He knew they would say yes. When he was discharged he remembered the numbness that he felt that he would never be happy again. He remembered the lies, and the promises._

_Maybe worst of all, he still remembered __**Him.**_

**How was it? When I was looking at this fandom fan fiction archive I was surprised to see that it had nothing like this. So I took the plot bunny attack and turned it into this it will be a short chapter maybe three to four? Anyhow I'm new to this fandom I've watched the anime and started the manga so forgive my mistakes if there are any of them that really are just bad. But please remember it's a Fanfiction. So reviews are welcome and right after I finish writing this author note I'm going to type up chapter 2. Ta Ta for now!~IF**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm back and kicking! So after the first chapter was written I felt like I was on a roll so I was like I'll type up the second one. So since this hasn't given me a writers block like my other stories *glares angrily and blank documents* I had some issues trying to find the right song for this chapter because it isn't Ristu central. It was actually quite fun. The song is Breath No More by Evanescence. So to those who read the first chapter, 918lucy, Springmiya, LockThatLastOpenDoor1, and Tsuki Aizawa, thanks! Now to give the disclaimer and the newest chapter.**

**DISCLAIMER I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS I OWNLY OWN THE PLOT I ALSO DON'T OWN THE SONG BREATH NO MORE.**

_¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾_

_I've been looking in the mirror for so long _

_That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side_

_All the little pieces falling, shatter._

_Shards of me, _

_Too sharp to put back together _

_Too small to matter_

_But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces _

_If I try to touch her _

_And I bleed _

_I bleed,_

_And I breathe _

_I breathe no more _

_Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well _

_Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child_

_Lie to me _

_Convince me I've been sick forever _

_And all of this _

_Will make sense when I get better _

_But I know the difference _

_Between myself and my reflection _

_I just cant help to wonder _

_Which of do you love _

_So I bleed _

_I bleed _

_And I breathe _

_I breathe no…_

_Bleed _

_I bleed _

_And I breathe _

_I breathe_

_I breathe no more. _

_¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾¾_

**Ritsu's PoV**

I startled awake. Realizing that something was off I looked at my co-workers who had mixed looks of confusion and worry. Slowly I noticed the presence behind me. Turning slowly my haunted emerald eyes met the calm honey ones. I knew Takano was worried he just was being the strong one.

Quickly I gathered my things. Making sure to grab everything. "I'm sorry I suddenly don't feel well. I can't work today." It was a well rehearsed lie, but it had some truth to it.

I all but bolted out of the office. Nearly running over Yokozawa, swerving at the last moment. I tripped over my own feet and out of a natural reflex Yokozawa grabbed my right hand. I hadn't noticed that when the chief of sales grabbed my hand the shirt sleeve rode up slightly, uncovering what had been cover and forgotten about for at least a decade, forgotten to the rest of the world at least.

Yokozawa's eyes landed on the pale line of flesh. Widening in surprise he slackened his grip giving me enough time to escape to the elevator. I waited impatiently. Once the elevator doors opened I ran out. I needed to run. My thoughts weren't coherent. I knew I was angry. At Yokozawa for seeing my secret, my co-workers for having the nerve to pity me when they know nothing of me or my past, my parents for finding me that first time; if they had just left me alone a few minutes longer, and I was especially Takano he was the one who laughed, it was his fault.

Running down the streets I barely knew where I was going just that I was going somewhere. My feet pounded at the ground I felt the first drops of rain hit my face within a few seconds it was a hell of a storm. I continued to run my chest burning with the exhaustion and the lack of air. Some of the rain drops tasted of salt, somewhere along the line he had began to cry. Normally he would've fought back to not cry but today he had seen the man that had caused his sporadic bouts of depression. A human being could only take so much.

I had unconsciously found my way back to the train station. I stopped chest heaving trying to get the oxygen to his blood. My legs were weak as if they couldn't hold me up anymore. I was drenched, still I forced myself to walk to the train station. By some chance I was able to make the train.

Today was the day that I learned never to love again all this day does is remind me of how gullible I could be. Sometimes this day was to much, ok, I take that back, its always to much.

I was a little relived that Yokozawa only saw that one scar. He had ten others that were inflicted on this day. He remembered each one. He left arm was the one that was covered, whenever it wasn't this day but it was to much to handle he made the shallow cuts that would be easily explained.

I had a small feeling that this year would be different. It was just some sort of gnawing presence at the back of the mind. I tried to ignore it and wait for my stop to get off the train. I wanted to go to my apartment.

†††††††

Takano sat at his desk staring blankly at the story board. He couldn't focus. Not since he saw Ritsu had that panic attack this morning. Yokozawa had walked in a distracted look in his eyes but before he could elaborate he got a phone call and reluctantly answered, shooting Takano a look.

While waiting Takano had tried to get his work done but hid eyes kept drifting to the empty spot at the end of our section of the office. He noticed the others looking at the spot as well. Takano shook his head. He couldn't get Ritsu's face out of his head. The haunted look in his eyes and the blatant fear there when Ritsu's eyes and his met. It was shocking. What had scared Ritsu so much? Takano had a hazy idea about it and he didn't like the answer.

Yokozuwa finished the phone call and saw Takano staring at the vacant spot, eyes looking far away.

Yokozawa was about to say something when the office phone rang.

"Editing department, Takano speaking." Takano answered. Yokozawa was relieved for the moment because he could reorganize his thoughts and get a plan for telling Takano what he saw.

There was a pause on the other end and then the caller began to speak. "Hello, I was wondering if Ritsu Onodera showed up today?" It was the voice of an older female.

"He did show up, but he did leave early, saying he was ill. To whom am I speaking?" Takano replied.

"Oh, I'm his mother. Thank you for telling me. I can't seem to reach him. Good bye." The receiver beep and Takano knew that the woman had hung up.

"Takano, I need to have a private word with you." Yokozawa said in a commanding but quiet tone.

Takano didn't really care. He shrugged as he got up. Following his friend to an empty meeting room. Once they arrived at the room both men dropped the professional act.

Takano looked at Yokozawa with worry and confusion. Confusion finally winning dominance. "What's up?"

"Actually I was hopping you could clarify that for me." Yokozawa said simply.

Takano sighed. "I'll tell you what happened today but that's all I know." Takano went on to explain what happened this morning and at the office.

Yokozawa nodded. "He seemed to be in a hurry. He nearly ran over me. But dodged out of the way and tripped. I caught him but his shirt and slid upwards…" Yokozawa trailed off. Knowing he should just spit it out. "I saw a scar on his wrist."

Takano stared blankly at him for a few seconds. Before saying "What?"

"You heard me." Yokozawa said evenly.

"Was it…: Takano couldn't say the next few words.

"Self inflicted?" Yokozawa answered. "It appeared so, the scar was to straight not to be. It was also right over his vein. Also it looked new."

Takano sat down in an empty chair. Trying to process what he had just heard. Yokozawa may not be fond of Onodera but he wouldn't lie about something like this.

Yokozawa watched his friend sadly. If it was new then someone should've noticed, but of course Onodera always wears long sleeves so it would've been hard to notice in the first place. Yokozawa had an uneasy feeling that he didn't like he didn't want to believe that Onodera was someone like that but he knew how these things work. He wanted to do some checking on medical records, which wouldn't be that hard, after all he was a superior and it would be an issue to personal safety so he should be able to get the approval. He also felt bad that he had thought Onodera hadn't suffered if that scar was result of the past relationship. If it was then that would mean that Onodera had suffered worse that Masamune, if he had tried to end his life.

"Masamune, try and find him. He could be a threat to himself." Yokozawa suggested figuring his best friend needed to do something.

Takano nodded and got up, happy to be able to do something. He was about to open up the door when the date dawned on him.

"Oh no." Takano whispered.

Yokozawa looked up. "What?"

"Today's is the day before I figured out I wasn't going to see him again. When I apparently laughed at his confession." He had told Yokozawa everything the day after he found out who Ritsu really was.

The two college friends shared a look with each other. Takano was frozen to the spot. Figuring he wanted time to process what just happened Yokozawa walked out of the door instead. Once he was gone Takano sank down to the floor.

If he was correct about the date then he should be worried. He remembered what had happened to Ritsu after that accidental laugh, he literally saw the light burn out in his eyes. At the time he turned a blind eye to it.

Takano cursed at himself he should've saw the scars before hand. He and Ritsu had made love and the light had been on a couple of times. He wrote it off that he might've noticed but being in a lust induced haze hadn't questioned it. Still he felt horrible if he was the cause for the scars and blood spilt.

He also was hurt that Ritsu hadn't told him about the scars. Was it because he caused the scars. If he was correct about anything then he really needed to find Ritsu.

_Ritsu, don't do anything stupid, please. _He thought before hastily leaving the conference room.

Little did he know Ritsu was doing just that.

†††††††

Ritsu walked into his messy apartment. He really needed to straighten it up. Shrugging he dropped his bag on to the floor. He turned around shutting and locking the door. Taking off his coat he hung it on the hook on the back if the door. Taking off his shoes it was like any other night.

He padded softly into the main room of the apartment. Looking around the room, he began to clean up the clothes. Tossing them into a laundry basket. He went around the house doing this. Not really paying attention to what he was doing but he was thinking.

He thought about every time he and Takano had made love past and present. He was foolish for even allowing the man back into his life after what had happened a decade ago. He guessed he never got over him. Why couldn't he move on? He wanted to scream the question but there wasn't anyone around to answer. He also wanted to know why he was lying to himself and Takano about his feelings. The house was much cleaner now. He slowly walked to his bathroom. He had a throbbing headache and he wanted to take care of it.

Instead of grabbing the ibuprofen he grabbed the medicine that his psychiatrist prescribed him for his depression, he only took it when he woke up feeling depressed or something along those lines. Ignoring the warning label he poured out five or so. Popping them into his mouth all at once and filling cup of water he swallowed the pills. Tears sprang to his eyes the effort to swallow that many pills at once.

Then walking out to the sofa he laid down and waited. He had heard that Drug overdoses where the hardest ones and took the longest but he figured the amount he took he should experience the symptoms in maybe five or ten minutes. He knew that this time there wasn't going to be anyone around.

In his past attempts someone had always found him on accident whether it be a dorm mate, or some random person who got lost. Now the only way for him to be saved was if someone came to his rescue intently. Meaning they would have actually bust down his door and rush him to the nearest hospital.

He heard the ringing of the phone he wasn't going to answer he was just curious as to who would call him. He felt the churning in his stomach. He looked that the caller ID. It was Takano. He hit the ignore button and sat up and walked to the bathroom. Just as his knees hit the bathroom floor he vomited into the toilet. Evidentally when you didn't have food in your systems the medicine works faster. He heaved what he didn't have into the toilet. Knowing with grim satisfaction his blood had already absorbed the drugs. Bile rose into his throat and he spat it out. He was sweating and panting.

His phone went off again. It would be Takano. His head was getting fuzzy. He heaved more bile into the toilet. Reaching up he flushed to toilet. There was a throbbing in his head. He rolled up his sleeves clumsily staring at ten years of pain on his arms. He curled up fetal position. His breathing began to slow. There was trash bin that was silver he stared into his reflection.

Maybe it was the drugs talking but he wondered why anyone would even lie about being in love with him. He wasn't that attractive looking and he was weak.

**So this is the end of chapter two! How did I do, leave me a review. The next chapter should be out Thursday seeing as I won't have anytime tomorrow. Maybe I'll squeeze in sometime. I'll have to see. Also sorry about the cliffhanger! Bye!~IF**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello all, I told you I would get out the chapter on Thursday. From the reviews that I have read, I should be right and think you guys like. To be honest I was a little worried about putting it up, but I guess it was a good call. So next the shout outs Thanks for reviewing Samayori, Tsuki Aizawa, 918lucy, and Sara. Now I think I've covered everything that needs addressing. Oh the song is Fallen by Sarah McLachlan. Now to disclaim and present the chapter. **

**DISCLAIMER I DO NOT MAKE MONEY FOR DOING THIS I ALSO **

_Heaven bend to take my hand_

_And lead me through the fire_

_Be the long awaited answer_

_To a long and painful fight_

_Truth be told I've tried my bes__t_

_But somewhere along the way_

_I got caught up in all there was to offe__r_

_And the cost was so much more than I could bear_

_Though I've tried, I've fallen..._

_I have sunk so low_

_I messed up_

_Better I should know_

_So don't come round here_

_And tell me I told you so..._

_We all begin with good intent_

_Love was raw and young_

_We believed that we could change ourselves_

_The past could be undon__e_

_But we carry on our backs the burden_

_Time always reveals_

_In the lonely light of morning_

_In the wound that would not heal_

_It's the bitter taste of losing everything_

_That I've held so dear._

_I've fallen..._

_I have sunk so low_

_I messed up_

_Better I should know_

_So don't come round here_

_And tell me I told you so..._

_Heaven bend to take my hand_

_Nowhere left to turn_

_I'm lost to those I thought were friends_

_To everyone I know_

_Oh they turn their heads embarrassed_

_Pretend that they don't see_

_But it's one missed step_

_One slip before you know it_

_And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed_

_Though I've tried, I've fallen..._

_I have sunk so low_

_I messed up_

_Better I should know_

_So don't come round here_

_And tell me I told you so..._

Takano lifted his arms above his head to help with air flow. He had run from the publishing company to the station. Unable to control himself, the worry he had increased when Yokozawa had told him. He knew that he had to get to Ritsu and fast. Calling Ritsu's phone he got three rings and then the line went dead. Ritsu had ignored his call!

Alarm bells began to go off. Onodera hardly ever ignored a call during working hours, he had seen it for himself. He wanted to at least be moving but the train was running late, by three minutes. Time was essential and he wanted as much as possible.

He called his beloved's phone again, this time it went to an answering machine. Knowing that leaving a message would be pointless. He hung up he cell, looking at it like this situation was entirely its fault. Several other passengers shot concerned looks at him, he couldn't bring himself to care.

Then he heard the familiar screeching of the train as it slowed down enough to stop. It was four minutes late. He waited until the doors opened letting the other passengers get off then he briskly walked in taking the first open seat he saw. He looked at his phone one more time realizing it would be useless while they were in motion so he dropped it into his pocket moodily. The train lurched, he allowed a smile of relief as he knew that the train was bringing him closer to his love. There was an off chance that Ritsu went the complete opposite way than he was currently going. But he had faith that he would find Ritsu in his apartment.

'_Ritsu, please be alright.' _He thought.

†††††††

Yokozawa was looking at the past medical records. Normally it wasn't his job but he had persuaded the nurse and doctor to allow him access. All he had to say was he needed them otherwise a person might die.

He reached the folder he was looking for. The admittance to hospital area. He looked at the dates that was the first thing he checked, it was every year for the past ten years and always on this day. One of the peculiar things about the notes was it was always an accident.

_Accident with scissors patient says he was only trying to remove a lose thread from clothing. Cutting the main vein. _

Then the next year

_Cooking accident, was cutting vegetables, was startled stabbing himself in stomach._

Yokozawa skipped a few years.

_Examining gun, safety was off, was loaded. _

Yokozawa wondered how they believed that one. The first two were clumsy enough and he knew that Ritsu was clumsy so it was believable. But accidentally shooting yourself with a loaded gun with no safety on? Why would you even point a gun to yourself in the first place?He also wondered how the hell the nurses hadn't noticed the dates. When he woke up this morning he definitely didn't think he would have to be looking through the medical files of his suicidal enemy in love. He had no idea on how to even approach the situation. He dug out his phone wondering briefly if Takano would answer.

He pressed down his thumb on Takano's speed dial.

There was a ring and then, "Hello?" Yokozawa filed away that Takano sounded tired.

"Hey, I found something out. Its not good news though." Yokozawa sighed.

"Spit it out. I just pulled into a station, so I don't have that much time." Takano snapped.

"Today is evidentially a trigger day. Oddly enough each time he tried it was put down as an accident." Yokozawa said.

"Good to know. I have about five more minutes on the train. Got to go." Takano hit the end call button.

Yokozawa was left standing there wondering if he was going to accept Onodera now, he shrugged and walked off, he had work to do.

†††††††

Ritsu was laying on the floor, sometime ago losing the will to move, even though he knew he could.

He briefly wondered if it would actually happen this time. He stared blankly at the wall.

He spasmed and was hit with a wave of pain when it was all over with. He gritted his teeth, not really caring. He hated the waiting, because some one could come in at the last minute and save your life. Someone like Takano.

Why in hell was he thinking about him? He was the source of the entire thing. This last year with Takano pining for him was the worse year yet. He several times found him making a relatively shallow cut, bandgeing it, and then acting like it never happened.

He couldn't control his thought process. They focused on one thing and that was Takano, or as he knew him Saga-senpai.

He remembered the little chill he got whenever the touched or kissed. His most favorite memory had to be the one that was of him and Saga-senpai making love for the first time.

They had only been making out on Senpai's bed but Takano had lost coherent thought a while back. He pushed Ritsu onto the bed and began to slowly, painfully, began to unbutton his shirt. Once his chest was bare Takano kissed right above his navel. Ritsu wimpered slightly as Saga-senpai had move to his belt line. Automatically his hand shot out to stop him.

Saga-senpai looked at him with his honey colored eyes darkened by lust and in two husky sounded words "Trust me." Ritsu was his, body and soul. Knowing now that he truly loved the man that was in front of him. He had no idea what he was doing but he let Senpai help guide him. He lost all ability to think when Saga had entered him. He let out a moan in pleasure.

There was a banging on the door, and Ritsu was annoyed at the interruption. He knew somebody would disturb him. He felt himself getting sleepier. Unable to actually care, he knew that there was only a few minutes between now and when he was over the edge and a place of no return. He knew the only way he would survive is if someone would keep him from slipping into the wakeless sleep.

"Ritsu open up now!"

Ritsu had a moment of 'Speak of the devil and he shall appear. But it certainly got his attention. Moments later there was a loud BANG as the door flew open. So much for it being locked. He heard the pounding of feet entering his apartment.

"Ritsu!" Came the voice. Even in his delirious state he knew the man that the voice belonged to.

Moments later the bathroom door came flying open and behind it was a very worn out looking man. Normally tame hair mess and eyes having rather large bags under. He was panting heavily and his mouth was open in mid yell. He was frozen staring at the sight in front of him.

It was a funny looking scene , but then again it wasn't. Takano slammed to his knees in front of Ritsu. Whose head happened to be closer to the door, having collapsed that direction after he spent all of energy vomiting.

Carefully Takano slid the limp man into his lap. Cradling him awkwardly as tried to figure out what to do. Deciding on a course of action he picked up the smaller man in his arms bridal style and stood up. Ritsu mumbled a weak protest.

Takano had heard it and gave the man in his arms a look. He was scared. Not that he would show it right now his main goal was to get Ritsu to his car and to the nearest hospital. There was a fleeting thought that crossed his mind. _If he even lasts long enough to make it to the car._

Takano growled at himself for even thinking that thought. Ritsu seemed to startle at the sudden noise. Looking up at him with unfocused eyes. He managed a look of confusion but not even the slightest tinge of red.

He sped up his pace. He tried something he saw in a tv show or read in a book. "What the hell were you thinking doing something like this?" He asked harshly.

Ritsu blinked slightly. "Huh? I was doin' it cause ya laughed a' me." He slurred.

"That was ten years ago!"

Ritsu's blinks keep getting slower and longer.

"Don't go to sleep!" He yelled.

"Bu' I wanna. M' tired." Ritsu complained.

"Talk to me!" Takano pleaded.

"'bout wha'?"

"Anything!" _Please_. He didn't add that last part.

"Ya know sumthin. After ya laughed tha day, I went home an tried to kill m'self I couldn't help it." Ritsu took a breath. "It really hurt me. Then you didn't even come to the hospital."

"I had no idea." Takano said quietly.

"You could've asked."I was mad that you missed the date." Takano admitted. Feeling awful that he knew now that he was the cause of the attempted suicides. "Why didn't you tell me when you saw me again?"

"Didn't want your pity." Ritsu said it so confidentally Takano's step faltered. Jarring Ritsu causing him pain.

Ritsu' s head was spinning. He was seeing double and his vision was blurred. He wondered why he had spilt his guts to the man carrying him. Was it because of the fear that was present in those apathetic eyes? Or was it because he stopped denying himself.

He felt a breeze rustle his hair alerting him that they were in the parking garage. Takano was taking him to the hospital! He squirmed feebly making his vision even more blurred. Takano tightened his grip slightly. The car must be near because the length of his pace had increased and he was staring straight ahead.

They stopped suddenly and Ritsu heard the popping of the door as it opened. He was set in the passenger seat carefully. The door slammed shut and in the thirty seconds it took Takano to walk around the car and get in. Ritsu's eyes had closed. His breathing was getting irregular and his checks began to redden.

Takano saw that Ritsu no longer had any fight in him. Taking one good look at his love he turned the car on and hit the gas. The car spun out and began head towards the street.

Takano spared a glance and saw that Ritsu checks were redder and his breathing was fast in shallow. He flew onto the street and head towards the hospital.

_Ritsu, don't die! _Was all he managed to think.

**There you all have it the third chapter in the story. Phew, I told you all I said Thursday and I delivered. My fingers are cramping now. So leave your feedback and later!~IF**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry about not updating yesterday and not even giving a warning. As I mentioned before it makes me really happy to know people like to read my writing! Jappanese people introduce themselves last names first, and are called by there last names until they are friendly enough to be on first name basis. So to clear up any confusion. Thank to Eca-chii, You Me and Obsession, Sunset siren curse, BBQkitten, and 918lucy. So the song of the chapter is More than it seems by Kutless. Disclaimer, song, then chapter sound like a plan?**

**DISCLAIMER I ONLY OWN THE PLOT. EVERYTHING ELSE BELONGS TO TJEIR RESPECTIVR OWNERS. **

_Is my imagination running away_

_Or is this all really happening to me_

_Am I a prince in a far away land filled with fantasy_

_Where is reality and what are the actions that will define who I am_

_I am holding onto the visions I've seen of what I could be _

_It's what I should be _

_More than it seems these dreams (show me the way to these dreams)_

_Blur reality's line ('til there's nothing left of me)_

_If I could believe the dreams aside(show me the way to these dreams)_

_I am more capable than it seems _

_Passing through darkness into my own world _

_Will I be more than when I left (than when I left)_

_Never letting go of the lessons I learned_

_This will make a change _

_A change within me _

_More than it seems these dreams (show me the way to these dreams)_

_Blur reality's line ('til there's nothing left of me)_

_If I could believe the dreams aside(show me the way to these dreams)_

_I am more capable than it seems_

_This time I won't run way _

_I found the strength to face life's long days _

_This time I won't run away _

_More than it seems these dreams (show me the way to these dreams)_

_Blur reality's line ('til there's nothing left of me)_

_If I could believe the dreams aside(show me the way to these dreams)_

_I am more capable than it seems _

'_Til there's nothing left of me _

_Show me the way to these dreams. _

Driving just at the speed limit, Takano really wanted to push down on the gas as hard as he could, but getting pulled over for speeding certainly wouldn't help Ritsu. He could start to see the signs that pointed towards the hospital.

There was a red light and he gritted his teeth in anger. He knew that with every passing second Ritsu was losing the battle for his life. Takano spared a look at the small man beside him. His breathing was still fast and shallow, and he appeared to be sweating. Ritsu eyes were tightly closed.

Takano never really noticed how small his lover was. It was a wonder that he had been able to fight this long. The light changed to green. Takano eased the car into motion.

Figuring out how exactly he was going to park his car and take Ritsu in at the same time. He figured that Ritsu was more important and he could move his car when he was sure that Ritsu wasn't going to die on him. Throwing the car into park he hustled out of the car and to the passenger side.

Picking up the unconscious man in his arms. He walked steadily into emergency. The receptionist took one look at the pair and called for a stretcher. He layed Ritsu down on it and tried to answer the nurses questions.

"What is the patients name?" She asked. She was a young nurse with long black hair pulled into a bun. She had kind caring brown eyes and was short.

" Onodera Ritsu." He said distractedly.

"Onodera, the last name?" The nurse clarified.

"Yes.""Answer to the best of your ability, what happened?"

"I don't know, all I know is he was barely conscious when I found him curled up on his bathroom floor." Takano said.

"Any prior indications before you found him?"

"He wasn't very focused this morning and he left work early saying that he wasn't feeling well. Then he wouldn't answer his phone." Takano rattled off.

The young nurse nodded making notes of all that was said. "Do you know if he's allergic to anything, medical or food wise?"

"Not that I'm aware of."

"It he taking any prescribed medicine?"

"When I found him, this was laying on the skin. I guess its prescribed." He handed over the small orange pill bottle.

"How long has he been suffering from depression?" The nurse took the pill bottle for doing some checking later.

"That's the first I heard of it." Takano said, not letting his concern show.

The nurse nodded. She gave him a sad smile and said "You can move your car. The doctors will be working on getting him stable."

Takano nodded not really wanting to leave but he ended up parking his car and walked briskly back into the emergency room.

The receptionist looked up. She was an older lady, maybe in her forties. Her dark brown hair was thinning and beginning to gray around the temples. Also she was a little on the pudgy side. Her eyes and mouth showed wrinkles of laughing and smiling to much "Can I have you sign in please?" She said in a friendly tone of voice.

Takano took the outstretched clipboard and signed his name. The receptionist took back looking at the name and arching a styled eyebrow.

"Takano Masamune?" She repeated.

"Yes, ma'am."

"You had no idea that he was in this state correct?" She asked.

"Not one clue." He sighed.

"Then I can trust you to contact the proper people, such as his family?" She questioned.

"I can, but why?" Takano wondered confused.

"He had you listed as an emergency contact so we can call the correct people, but its unnecessary. Plus we are a little busy at the moment."

Takano looked out to the waiting room, there was maybe twelve people there and three more behind him. He nodded to the receptionist. Walking to an empty chair with no one near it.

He sat down heavily in it. So many things had happened. But the one thing that was sticking out to him was he was listed on Ritsu's emergency contacts. He wondered why. But the fact that he was made him happier than anything. He had so many questions to ask, but he didn't know if he would get the chance to.

He must've fallen asleep, because the next thing he knew someone was shaking him. At first he thought it might be Onodera and that it was just a dream.

"Takano-san, wake up." Came a females voice.

Curious he opened his eyes. Sure enough there was a very beautiful female doctor in front of him. She was tall, slim, and he could tell well muscled as if she worked out. She had blonde hair that was pulled back into a French braid. Her blue eyes were clear and pure. She had a solemn look on her face, she somehow looked familiar.

"Ah, your up!" She exclaimed this time Takano heard the faint sound of an American accent.

"Yeah." He mumbled.

"That's good. I'm Doctor Farell. You came in with Onodera-san correct?" She asked.

He nodded. "How is he?"Doctor Farell, remained quiet. "Well?" Takano demanded

"He's alive. Any later and we wouldn't have been able to save him. But he's entered a coma." She said sadly.

Takano gave her an uncomprehending look. "What?"

"I'm sorry, but he'll just have to wake up on his own. I can take you to his room. If you'd like." She said sincerely.

If it was any other doctor Takano would've scoffed at the fake sincerity but the young doctor really seemed genuine.

"You're an ER doctor?" Takano asked. He didn't really care but he wanted to keep himself away from the possibility… No! He would not think like that.

"Yes an no." Doctor Farell said.

"That's two answers." Takano pointed out.

"Actually I'm a surgeon by trade but the ER doctor for this shift was unable to make it so I took over for him, I was on call anyway." She replied punching in the code to enter the actual ER.

"I see." Takano said. He was growing more and more anxious the closer he got to the room.

" Did your name by any chance change? You remind me of a classmate of mine."

"It did." He said noncommittally.

"You were Saga then?" She asked, keeping her face straight ahead.

"Yes. How'd you know?" He asked. Waiting for the door that they would stop at.

"I was in your graduating class." She said, nodding a greeting to another doctor.

"Really?" Takano asked surprised.

"Yeah, transferred from America. I had everyone call me Alice, even though its not the culture around here." She said.

As soon as she said that he remembered her. She was pretty even back then but she was always studying and watching people as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. Fitting she would become a surgeon.

Suddenly she stopped in front of a door the room number was _13_. Turning around she held his gaze. "You best prepare yourself. Go in when your ready." She looked down at her pager. "Ah! I've got to go, trauma patient just came in!"

She walked down the way they came in a fast pace. Her braid bounding as she walked. Takano suddenly felt very alone. He looked at the door and then the handle.

Inhaling he walked into the room. Laying completely still on the hospital bed was Ritsu. He was paler than normal and there were several tubes connecting him to IV bags. In the corner there was a heart monitor, beeping loudly in this odd silence. The heart line looked like it was very faint.

Takano hauled one of the infamous hospital chairs over to the bedside and sat down in it. Taking Onodera's hand. Not even the slightest twitch. He could've been slumbering heavily, but Takano knew that the moment he did that he would've gotten some sort of reaction marking this as an unnatural sleep.

Takano sighed sadly. The heart monitor beeped steadily. It was grating on Takano's already thin nerves. "Onodera, I have no clue what to say in this situation, other than for maybe for the first time in my life I'm uncertain. Also I'm scared." He admitted.

No response other than the beeping of the heart monitor. He growled in the back of his throat and looked at the IV dripping steadily. He turned his attention back to the man laying unmoving next to him. His arm that was connected to the IV was on top of the blanket.

Takano looked at the appendage properly for the first time ever. There where thin white lines covering it. Some were vertical, others horizontal, and some were even diagonal. Takano wondered how much suffering a person would have to go through to harm themselves. How much pain would a person have to take to push them off the edge.

The heart monitor kept on beeping. Furrowing his brow Takano sighed. There was so much he wanted to say, but how much would Ritsu actually hear? He wanted to see the reaction and get the answers to his questions. He wanted to see Ritsu blush and yell whenever he said something that Ritsu deemed inappropriate. Most of all he wanted to see the green eyes that always showed so much emotion.

"Ritsu, I know that you probably won't hear this, or if you do if you'll remember it. I want you to wake up. I know I caused this but I want to be greedy. I want to hold you, feel your warmth, hear your constant complaining. I love you, Ritsu, so if by some chance you wake up, I will never leave your side."

Takano let out a yawn. The stress and worry that he had felt finally left him now that he knew that Ritsu was in no immediate danger and that he wasn't moving. He layed his head on his arm which was resting on the bed holding Ritsu's hand. In that position he fell into a restful sleep.

What he didn't here was the monitor contributing its part into the conversation by beeping a little louder and a little more certain than when he first walked in the room.

**Well that was a very sentimental chapter. I had no idea I could write something like that, also I somehow managed to stretch this past the four chapter mark. I hope you guys don't mind. Also I have a question, answer in the reviews or however but how many of you expected the heart monitor to flat line? Man I feel bad for Takano. Don't worry about Alice either, I needed a doctor character and she kind of popped up, she's there for moral and medical support only. So bye for now!~IF **


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm back. Updating should be easier for me now sense I got my laptop back. Now I can work on it more frequently than I used to. I should've tossed this in there at the beginning but all my stories are un-beta'd. I try my best to proof read, but this chapter I didn't because I have this major migraine right now. So I only typed the chapter up. Shout outs to my lovely reviewers Jess, Samayori, Rowan XX, You Me and Obsession, and Sunset siren curse. Sweet now disclaimer song chapter! Enjoy. Song is Breath Me by Sia**

**DISCLAIMER I OWN ONLY THE PLOT EVERYTHING ELSE BELONGS TO THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNERS. I MAKE NO MONEY OFF OF THIS! **

_Help, I have done it again _

_I have been here many times before _

_Hurt myself again today_

_And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame _

_Be my friend _

_Hold me, wrap me up _

_Unfold me _

_I am small _

_I'm needy _

_Warm me up _

_And breathe me _

_Ouch I have lost myself again _

_Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found, _

_Yeah I think that I might break _

_I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe_

_Be my friend _

_Hold me, wrap me up _

_Unfold me _

_I am small _

_I'm needy _

_Warm me up _

_And breathe me _

_Be my friend _

_Hold me, wrap me up _

_Unfold me _

_I am small _

_I'm needy _

_Warm me up _

_And breathe me_

Takano slowly became aware of the uncomfortable sensation in his back and neck. He opened his eyes quickly finding the reason, he hadn't moved at all during the night and he had gotten stiff. Sitting up he spared a glance towards Ritsu's face, knowing it would be to much to hope that he would wake up and see those beautiful emerald eyes glaring playfully at him or having a concerned or annoyed look in them. As expected, there wasn't a single change, Ritsu hadn't moved a centimeter last night. His pale complexion stood out against the stark white sheets. There was no trace of emotion on the face. Takano wondered briefly if seeing the face contorted because of pain or that scary peaceful look he got in the car would be better than the blank face.

Standing up slightly he felt the first pangs if hunger. In last night's excitement he had forgotten to get something to eat. Checking his watch quickly he saw that it was almost nine at night and they had arrived around one in the after noon. Figuring that he would here about any changes in Ritsu's condition when they were able to alert him. He headed down to the cafeteria which was going to close in an hour or so. On his way to the cafeteria he made a phone call to , he had gotten the number because sometime after arriving at the hospital he had asked Kisa to get the number belonging to . Kisa had pulled through and sent it to him in surprising speed. He had meant to only take a short nap and call Ritsu's mother afterwards but that hadn't worked out as well as he thought it would.

After a few short rings a female answered on the other side. " speaking. May I ask who's calling?"

"Takano, editor-in-chief of Marukawa's Emerald department. We talked earlier concerning your son." He said properly, leaning against a wall.

"Oh yes! I remember!" cried. "How is Ritsu?"

He inhaled and exhaled, briefly wondering if the nurses already called when they got a free moment. His question was answered with 's next words.

"The hospital staff informed us of his condition. Sadly we can't seem to get away from this meeting. We are trying our hardest, but your in the industry and you know how the people are."

"Don't we all?" He agreed. "So you don't think you'll be able to come to the hospital then?"

"Its very unlikely." She sighed. "Will you keep us posted on his condition Takano-san?"

"Sure." He complied.

"Thank you, I'm sorry if this is a bother to you."

"Don't worry about it. He's my subordinate I should've paid more attention to him. He wasn't in the right state to be alone." He said honestly.

"I just can't believe he would be so reckless and not check the label before he took them!" said, irritation and worry in her voice.

"Neither can I." Takano said. Eyebrow twitching in surprise. How can they still not make the connection even if they aren't on the closest of terms?

"Well, I have to go now. Bye." The line clicked off.

Takano walked into the small cafeteria. They food wasn't that good, but it was edible and that was all he really needed at the moment. There were a few other people in the dinning area with him and he assumed that they were here because the person they were here with was in either Emergency or long term care. A solum faced doctor came in, he looked older and worn out. He walked to a cluster of people, takano guessed that it was a family. The doctor said something to them and they all got up. A young child with the group was whimpering, as if she knew what sort of news was about to be delivered.

Not able to stand the atmosphere Takano threw away his left overs and put the dishes on the conniver belt and headed back to Ritsu's temporary room. He reached the door and when walking inside he heard a female call out.

"Hold the door please."

He held open the door and moments later he heard the soft clicking of heals on tile as the female doctor walked into the room. Looking at the doctor her realized that it was Doctor Felker from before.

"Right, so no changes that you've noticed?" She asked checking her notes electronically.

"Not unless they happened when I was in the cafeteria." Takano answered.

The doctor nodded expectantly. "May I ask you some questions?"

"Sure."

"We did some blood work to determine what exactly caused this because healthy people don't just suddenly go comatose for no reason, I hope otherwise that could be a problem." She joked with the last part, Takano silently thanked her for trying to keep a normal atmosphere. She continued. " Well, anyway the blood work came out with high traces of antidepressants. The amount is lethal! Onodera-san is lucky to be alive."

Takano let out a quiet growl, Doctor Felker heard it however and quickly went back to her explanation. "So my first question is, Were you aware that he was prescribed these drugs?"

"No, I wasn't until I saw the bottle." Takano answered.

Doctor Felker made a note. "Second question, Did you know that Onodera-san was suffering from depression?"  
"No. I'm his boss and a friend. Why would I know that?" Takano snapped, the stress finally getting to him.

The good doctor eyed him. "Right. A trusted friend then. Third question. Has in the past had any suicidal thoughts or actions?"

Takano watched her carefully. He knew that she was aware of the connection, unlike any doctor before her. She was good at what she did. She might even know if he lied. So he made the most honest and vague response he could muster. " Well I'm not sure of the times between my senior year in high school when we attended the same high school which wasn't very long and when he came to work for me, but what I am sure of is that he wasn't suicidal, and don't you think that if he was he would've gotten treatment for it along with the depression, or that someone would notice?"

"You have a point, but the dates are bothering me." Doctor Felker mumbled.

" Isn't there a day when you aren't on your peak because of something, and its just that date? Like some people always lose one of their socks on the third day of the month. Maybe something tramtic happened and he was distracted at the time of the issue." Takano suggested, being as vague as he could be.

Doctor Felker chewed on the end of her pen, giving the matter serious thought. She kept reading her notes over. Sighing in resignation. "Alright, but I want you to be aware, even if I think these things are bad for him due to certain side effects, I can't take him off of them permanently you'll have to talk to the therapist that prescribed them. Should the therapist refuse to revoke the script if the situation comes to it then I want you to contact me and I'll talk to him. But when he leaves here then you should keep and eye on him from now on."

She gave him a hard look. Making Takano want to step back, the doctor was fierce when she was determined. Takano nodded though to affirm her command, because that's what it really was. Takano also knew that she didn't by his story about Ritsu but she didn't pressure him, knowing that it would accomplish nothing. Also another thing to add to the list of things he liked about her is she said when he get out not if he gets out.

Before walking out she called to him. "If you need anything don't hesitate to push the nurses aid button, or you can call for me or my head nurse Chiho she's the one bouncing around in the pink nurse uniform with a bunny pin. Trust me you can't miss her. I'll be back."

Takano watched her leave, once again the strange feeling of loneliness at her sudden departure. Looking over at where Ritsu was laying he sighed. There wasn't a TV in the room because he was surrounded by the sterile air and silence you could only get in a hospital. He was about to send a text to Hatori when he realized the time, thankfully it was the end of the cycle and he wasn't going to have to deal with a comatose Ritsu and the artist not making their deadline, what was it with them anyway, was it some sort of code to not finish or have some sort of horrible issues right before the dead line. It seemed like it was always this way. _I wonder if literature is any different?_ Takano asked himself.

The silence seemed to be pressuring him to do something to say something. He steeled his resolve.

**††††††† **

Ritsu was stuck. Well, not in the physical sense at least. He was slowly regaining his hearing into the physical world, all his other senses where dead to him. At first it was this slow thumping sound that he realized was his heart, still beating strong, but not as strong as it used to. The next thing to hear was different pitches, he couldn't make out the words but he could tell that people were talking one male one female, he figured sense there was a high pitched noise and a low one. The male, or the low pitch, sounded familiar and if he could move his face he would've furrowed his brow in concentration. He was now able to hear noises like a heart rate monitor beep and the sound of a door opening and closing, the scraping of a chair across the floor. He heard a soft exhale.

The low pitch was about to talk. In his hazy mindset he wonder where he was. Now the low pitch was talking.

"Ri..su" It said. He heard only a few syllables. But low pitch knew his name, which meant that the knew each other.

He focused everything on the ear that was closest to the low pitch to make out the words. "I don't know if you can hear me."

Ritsu wanted to alert the voice that he could but he could only hear at the moment, but he did start to feel cold.

"I want you to know, even though I told you this before, I love you. I have sense you confessed your love to me ten years ago."

The words started to make bells ring but he couldn't place them with an event.

"I never stopped loving you, I can't lie to myself anymore. I want you to know that I'm sorry that I was the cause of all your pain for all these years. Had I known..." The voice trailed off.

He was getting the faintest stirrings of a memory but he couldn't recall it and the over whelming cold sensation was getting hard to ignore. He wanted to shiver but he couldn't his body felt like lead. So he could move! He just didn't have any strength left.

This made his mind think faster. His heart instead of getting stronger with his return to the waking it was getting weaker. He was panicking, somehow he knew he had to fight this.

He heard the voice speak again. "Ritsu?" It was hurried and concerned.

His heart was going at a deadly crawl now. He was trying to make it beat faster.

Again "Ritsu? Are you alright?"

Dammit he was not all right! How could the voice not be able to tell the slow pace of his heart! "Ritsu hang on! I'll get a nurse!" The voice was panicked now. He heard fast footfalls and the slamming of a door being opened and a "I need help in here!"e

He heard more footfalls and people yelling things he didn't understand all he knew in this swirling abyss of cold, near the place where his hand should be so he was assuming it was his hand, there was a small source of heat. Subconsciously he knew that it was the voice but he wasn't sure he was going to like the answer of who the voice really is.

He attention soon got diverted when there was a loud beeping and the rushing got more frantic. He felt what little strength he had drain. In one lest effort he summoned all he had to give his heart a boost, which the monitor was going off because the heart beat was so faint, and felt it slowly pick up the pace it was helped with a sudden jolt of electricity. When he was sure that his heart wasn't going to give out on him. He let himself fall back into the dreamless slumber.

The entire time he had never opened his eyes. Never saw the pure fear printed blatantly on his bosses face. He also didn't see the relief once the ordeal was over. But he knew that there was still the slightly warmer area near his hand. 

**Dun Dun Dunn~! Not really. So what did you all think? Give me a message if there is a spot of grammar that is driving you nuts, I won't mind and I'll fix it when my migraine is gone. Now off I go~!~IF**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey all~! Chapter five! One more I think. Maybe a lemon I'm not sure. Also if any readers are Hetalia fans I'll have a BTT story out within the week. So watch out for this. I have no more announcements other then shout out disclaimer song chapter and then sleep, for me at least. Thanks to MaddMaxx, Sunset siren curse, and Samayori. Song is all that I'm Living for by Evanescence **  
**DISCLAIMER I OWN ONLY THE PLOT AND DOCTOR FELKER.**  
_All that I'm living for,_  
_All that I'm dying for,_  
_All that I can't ignore alone at night._

_I can feel the night beginning._  
_Separate me from the living._  
_Understanding me,_  
_After all I've seen._  
_Piecing every thought together,_  
_Find the words to make me better._  
_If I only knew how to pull myself apart._

_All that I'm living for,_  
_All that I'm dying for,_  
_All that I can't ignore alone at night._  
_All that I'm wanted for,_  
_Although I wanted more._  
_Lock the last open door, my ghosts are gaining on me._

_I believe that dreams are sacred._  
_Take my darkest fears and play them_  
_Like a lullaby,_  
_Like a reason why,_  
_Like a play of my obsessions,_  
_Make me understand the lesson,_  
_So I'll find myself,_  
_So I won't be lost again._

_All that I'm living for,_  
_All that I'm dying for,_  
_All that I can't ignore alone at night._  
_All that I'm wanted for,_  
_Although I wanted more._  
_Lock the last open door, my ghosts are gaining on me._

_Guess I thought I'd have to change the world to make you see me,_  
_To be the one._  
_I could have run forever,_  
_But how far would I have come_  
_Without mourning your love?_

_All that I'm living for,_  
_All that I'm dying for,_  
_All that I can't ignore alone at night._  
_All that I'm wanted for,_  
_Although I wanted more._  
_Lock the last open door, my ghosts are gaining on me._

_Should it hurt to love you?_  
_Should I feel like I do?_  
_Should I lock the last open door,_  
_My ghosts are gaining on me._

Takano sat with his hands steepled and his brow furrowed. Since Ritsu's heart nearly stopped he had hardly left the hospital room only making phone calls for updates on Ritsu's condition and work. After all he still had to work even if he couldn't be there in person he could always yell at the authors to hurry up and once they were done have someone else pick up the manuscript.  
The doctors were still trying to figure out what stopped his heart. Doctor Felker was determined to find the cause so she kept coming in and running tests. Even though her shift had ended at eleven and it was now twelve. She had pulled a double shift and now she was still working, she had told Takano that she was doing this because; "Its my job to figure out why people are sick, and I still owe you from high school. Plus, I can tell he's important to you."  
She had said that fifteen minutes ago. Apparently the only one who couldn't tell the sincerity behind his confession was Ritsu himself. Yokozawa saw it he just decided to ignore it. There was a small moan from the bed next to him. He looked at the bed to see if was his imagination. Another groan.  
He watched Ritsu's eyes carefully. They were still closed but moments later they fluttered open and suddenly closed. He guessed it was from the lights. Takano got up and dimmed the lights. There was only enough light in the room for them to see each others faces. Ritsu opened his eyes again. This time more carefully than the last time.  
Takano let out a sigh of relief when he saw the emerald orbs look at him, confusion and disbelief dancing in them.  
"Takano?" Ritsu asked quietly.  
"Yeah." He nodded.  
Ritsu rolled on to his back. "So it wasn't a dream."  
Takano raised a confused eyebrow at the statement. "What?"  
"Its nothing really." Ritsu said.  
Takano shrugged. "I should probably tell them your awake and talking."  
Ritsu said nothing as Takano got up and called out into the hallway. Walking back to his seat by the bed they waited in companionable silence. It was probably the first time the silence wasn't strained.  
A few minutes passed and Doctor Felker walked in reading her notes. She looked at Ritsu. "You are a very strange patient. First your comatose, then your heart stops, then you wake up like nothing happened."  
Ritsu stared at her like she grew a second head. "Comatose? I was in a coma?" He said in shock.  
"Yeah. A short one, but still a coma. Luckily you woke up soon enough I don't have to worry about brain damage due to asphyxiation." She continued.  
"So, when do you think I can leave?" Ritsu asked, not really fond of hospitals.  
"Tomorrow morning if everything goes well. I want to make sure you're all right. Also I'm putting you on a forty-eight hour observation."  
"Forty eight- What? Why?" Ritsu complained.  
The doctor sighed. "Forty eight, because One: You were in a coma, Two: Standard practice is a twenty four hour observations, unless the patient is deemed with poor judgement. Three because you nearly died!" She put stress on the last word.  
He mumbled quietly. "Do I get to say who I want to watch me or is that already decided for me?"  
"It was decided for you. Takano-san will be watching you. It is the easiest since you are neighbors and work at the same place." She answered.  
Ritsu once again gave her a disbelieving look. She appeared not to notice. She was busy checking his vitals and making notes. Then without another word she left the room, but sent a sly wink at Takano's direction then she was gone.  
Ritsu saw the wink. "What was that? Did you plan this?" He asked Takano.  
"Not really." He was impressed with the sly manner that the Doctor had returned the favor she evidentially owed him.  
"Damn. I'm going to have to make up a lot of work!" Ritsu complained.  
Takano only nodded. Not saying anything letting Ritsu have his moment. He was purely relieved that the other was fine and awake.  
Ritsu noticed that Takano really wasn't listening. His ranting slowed to a stop. Wondering whether he would get off the hook or not.  
"Ritsu, why?" Takano asked suddenly.  
He's not getting off the hook. "Why? Isn't it evident?"  
"No, frankly I'm confused." Takano said.  
Ritsu sighed sitting up straight he rolled up his sleeves and stuck his arms out for Takano's inspection. "Ten years of physically abusing myself. I got over the break up not to long ago and I thought I could stop but it became a habit then with you showing up out of nowhere threw me off balance, I started doing it more frequently."  
Staring at the thin lines that littered his love's arms they were beautiful in a way. They each told a small part in the story of the ten year absence. He traced one of the longer ones with his finger.  
Ritsu shuddered at the contact. It was an odd feeling. Wherever Takano touched there was a warm feeling like all the pain he had when he made the scar suddenly vanished. It was irritating. He couldn't believe that someone would have the nerve to do this even if they are the one that caused.  
It might have been the side effect of some of the medications they had him on or just the pure stress of the situation he found him yelling at Takano. "Who the hell do you think you are? You're the one that caused it and now you think that by sitting here you think you are making up for what you did to me ten years ago?" He shot Takano a harsh look.  
Takano sat there in stunned silence. Ritsu had yelled at him but he had never sounded truly angry like he did now. "Onodera calm down.  
Ritsu stared at him. "You're telling me to calm down?"  
"Yes, it isn't good for your health." Takano said.  
"Oh right." He said sarcastically.  
"Ritsu." He tried.  
"What?" He said.  
"Sorry. I swear had I known I would've never left your side. " He said willing Ritsu to believe him.  
"You didn't know?" Ritsu asked.  
He shook his head no.  
"How, we've slept together? You didn't see them then?" Ritsu asked.  
"No. I wasn't really concerned with your arms." He admitted.  
Ritsu flushed a deep red. He let out an "Humph," and laid back down.  
Takano chuckled. Ritsu was acting a little more normal now. He also had him for the next to days, to himself alone, thanks to the brilliance that was Doctor Felker.

Morning rolled around to fast for Ritsu's liking. After he was discharged he would be under Takano's watch for the next two days. There was a new doctor he was average looking and he said that he could go home after he gave Takano a list of directions and what to do and what not to do's and a quarter after nine had them out of the door and towards the car. It was going to be a long two days.  
They reached the car and he could already tell that Takano was babying him. Takano had opened the door and was walking beside him. Of course it could be that he was making sure he didn't overexert himself. But Ritsu knew better. It was interesting having Takano be so blatantly caring and not doing it in his odd little way like usual.  
Wait, why did he care that takano was being caring. Because he didn't care either way.  
The car ride was in silence and Ritsu used the time to fall asleep on something other than a hospital bed.  
When he woke up he saw that he was in a bed that was so much bigger than his own. He was also in a room that wasn't he own. He could only figure that it was Takano's. he got up and padded softly into the living room there Takano sat on the couch editing a manuscript.  
He looked up when Ritsu entered the room. "You're up." He grunted.  
"Yeah." He mumbled.  
Takano finished the manuscript. "Hungry?"  
"Yes." Ritsu said as his stomach growled.  
Takano got up and went into the kitchen. Ten minutes later there was a a decent home cooked meal on the table. The two sat down to eat.  
"How do you feel?" Takano asked.  
"I feel fine." Ritsu answered.  
Takano nodded. The pair ate in silence. Takano kept glancing at the other man. Ritsu noticed and finally asked him. "What?"  
"I can't look at the man I love?" Takano asked.  
Ritsu flushed and stuttered until he finally gave up on trying to for the correct words. He sat across from Takano blushing severely. Trying to look threatening. But only causing Takano to be hiding a smile. Instead of looking threatening he looked rather cute and Takano couldn't control himself. Leaned over and captured the other boy's mouth with his.  
There was a surprised gasp and Takano took it and dove his tongue into the familiar cavern. He felt the other's tongue fight back weakly but the fight was there. He smirked into this kiss. He felt the smaller man's resolve crumble. He reluctantly broke away from air licking the silva strand that still connected the two together. Ritsu was beat red, he hadn't even tried to fight back, instead he deepened the kiss himself.  
Ritsu looked at him. "W-w-what the hell was that for?" He yelled.  
"You looked to cute not to kiss." Takano answered. He had walked around the table behind Ritsu and turned him around. Leaning back in for another passionate kiss, he wrapped his hands around the petite waste of his beloved. Slowly Ritsu wrapped his arms around Takano's neck.  
He knew he wouldn't be able to lie anymore.  
**I end the chapter with a make out session because I can. No more lying for Ritsu! Anyway I'm uploading this and then I'm crawling across the floor to my bed. I have been up for thirty six hours trying to work with school and my fanfictons. *Slowly dies once on bed.* See you when I'm awake!~IF**


	7. Chapter 7

**Longest time without an update. Personally I blame it on RPing Hetalia and Hetaoni and school, had to write a research paper ugh. I should be able to wrap this story up soon. Then I shall return to trying to write my newest stories. *Glares angrily at muses.* So now without further interruption I give you the next chapter after all the usual stuff. Thanks to sunset siren curse, RiceBunny, Damons-hot-as-hell, and bag-o-beans. Song is "Ready to Love Again" by Lady Antebellum **

**DISCLAIMER I ONLY OWN THE PLOT OF THIS FANFICTION. EVERYTHING ELSE BELONGS TO THEIR RESPECTFUL OWNERS. **

_Seems like I was walking in the wrong direction_

_I barely recognize my own reflection, no_

_Scared of love but scared of life alone_

_Seems I've been playing on the safe side baby_

_Building walls around my heart to save me, oh_

_But it's time for me to let it go_

_Yeah, I'm ready to feel now_

_No longer am I afraid of the fall down_

_It must be time to move on now_

_Without the fear of how it might end_

_I guess I'm ready to love again_

_Just when we think that love will never find you_

_You runaway but still it's right behind you, oh_

_It's just something that you can't control_

_Yeah, I'm ready to feel now_

_No longer am I afraid of the fall down_

_It must be time to move on now_

_Without the fear of how it might end_

_I guess I'm ready to love again_

_So come and find me_

_I'll be waiting up for you_

_I'll be holding out for you tonight_

_Yeah, I'm ready to feel now_

_No longer am I afraid of the fall down_

_It must be time to move on now_

_Without the fear of how it might end_

_I guess I'm ready, I'm ready to love again_

At some point during the night he had fallen asleep. He had no idea when just that it happened because he was now blinking lazily in a room that wasn't his. There was also heat coming from behind him and it also was on his waist. It took him a few minutes to realize there was an arm causing the heat on his waist. An arm which was connected to the rest of the heat behind him. The events of yesterday were hazy at best, he turned around surprised to see that Takano was asleep behind him.

Wiggling around in the protective grasp he managed to get himself turned around without waking Takano. With a large breath he was about to start yelling about him being molested in his sleep or something when a lazy honey colored eye appeared from behind the dark hair.

"Ritsu, be still." Takano said groggily.

Ritsu stared at him with surprised eyes. "Says the person holding me here against my will."

Takano's eye opened further. "That's not the impression I got last night. Don't tell me you forgot?"

Ritsu stayed quiet for a couple of minutes, thinking about the night before. He did remember that he had kissed Takano willingly, and he had been in the right frame of mind, that was easy to tell. He wondered if he could get out of this the more he thought about it the more he realized that he wouldn't be able to come up with a reasonable explanation. What was he going to do?

Takano watched him expectantly. Ritsu was being stubborn this morning. Wondering why the other wouldn't just come straight out and tell him that he was in love with him. Trust issues? Possible, but hadn't he shown to Ritsu that he was more reliable now than when he was in high school.

Sighing Ritsu looked up at the other. Biting his bottom lip. "I remember last night."

It wasn't exactly a confession but at least Ritsu was willing to admit that there was something now. Takano waited for the other to elaborate but got nothing. So instead he moved his arm off of the other, unwillingly, it was comfortable after all.

Takano taking his arm off of him wasn't what Ritsu expected. The other's arm was warm. _Dammit, stop making me confused. _He thought to himself. He turned over his back towards the other, hiding his blush.

He realized that ten years ago, prior to yesterday's date he would've given anything to wake up like this, every morning. _How naive had I been back then? _He asked himself. Then shook his head, that was in the past. He had to admit that some part of him still wanted this to wake up next to the person that he loved. Of course he ignored it, it was only a childish fantasy and that it would never happen to him. He had his chance with love and it had blow up in his face. In fact he still had those burns from the explosion, only these were on his arms and self inflicted. Though he had burned himself on purpose before, it wasn't as if he enjoyed hurting himself, he felt it was his punishment, for having believed lies and being fooled. It actually served him right for almost dying and having to wear these scars for the rest of his life. No one would be able to take them away from him. Not even the man beside him, who thought that he could do anything.  
Watching Ritsu carefully Takano saw the way the others shoulders seemed to slump in defeat. Underneath the wrinkled shirt he saw the faintest traces of a scar. It was barely showing but it seemed to be taunting him. He couldn't believe that the other became suicidal over a break up that happened many years ago.

Takano was in his own world, thinking about what it would've been like if Ritsu and him hadn't went their separate ways. They probably would've stayed together and been married and living happily never going near those rough times which both had suffered. It made his heart hurt that Ritsu was hurt because of him and he was the cause.

"Sorry." He mumbled.

Ritsu turned around a confused look on his face. He furrowed his eyebrows. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm sorry that you suffered for so long, because of me." He explained

Ritsu turned over again to face the man he was currently sharing a bed with. He wasn't entirely sure what Takano was thinking about. He felt the pangs of hunger in his stomach. It was to early to actually think about these things and he was too hungry to anyhow.

His stomach seemed to agree with him letting out a loud growl. Takano heard it and rolled his eyes. He was hungry as well since the hospital food that he ate didn't hold him over that well.

Takano sighed and got up. Ritsu sent him a worried glance, his insecurities coming back tenfold. Takano gave him a pitied look. "Don't worry, I'm just going to make breakfast."

Ritsu calmed down slightly and Takano took it as his chance to leave. He walked out of the bedroom door and into the kitchen.

Ritsu laid in the bed. He was worried that Takano was going to walk out of his own apartment. He hated that whenever he tried to kill himself and failed how clingy he was the next day. He really was wondering if it would be that bad to actually love again. Maybe since he's older now it won't be as bad and he'll be able to handle the adult emotions that came with an adult relationship. Maybe that was the problem.

He can't really deny that he doesn't feel anything anymore. As much as he hated to admit it he was still desperately in love with Takano. He didn't like it, but then again he liked it. But right now he wanted to see Takano and have a long awaited discussion. He stood up and was pleased to see that he was still clothed. When he walked past the mirror in the adjoining bathroom he saw how tired he looked. It wasn't the end of the cycle tired it was the completely exhausted emotionally and physically tired.

He ignored it and went into the open living room. He smelled Takano's cooking. His stomach growling hungrily at the smell.

Padding softly into the kitchen he saw eggs and bacon cooking and Takano had yet to notice he presence. He cleared his throat to let the other know he was present.

Takano glanced up at the sudden noise surprised to see that it was Ritsu. He smiled gently at the other. Takano could see the slight blush on his cheeks as he decided on what he was going to say.

Ritsu was chewing on the inside of his cheek trying to decide on what to say. It would be awkward not matter what he was going to say. Talking about emotions really wasn't his thing. Sighing he put on a determined face. "Takano." He started.

Takano was surprised that the other used his first name, he was happy though, he nodded his head to show that he was listening to him. Food forgotten at the moment.

"I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused, and I'm not really sure that I can honestly say that I will ever revisit our time as high school students without feeling hurt and some anger."

Takano took a deep breath to say something but Ritsu wasn't finished. "I know I can be an ass at times and I may not express my emotions very often. I know that I'm stubborn and easily hurt over small things. There really not an attractive quality about me. But..." Ritsu took a long breath this would be the moment that could change his life. " I think I'm ready to try and love you again. If you'll take me back."

Takano felt himself have a huge grin appear on his face. He was about to say something but Ritsu was now going on a tangent and he couldn't get a word in.

"I know that there's a lot of things about me that are major turn offs and I'm not entirely sure that you weren't lying to me about loving me. I don't trust but I want to trust you. If its a no I'll walk out of this apartment right now and request a transfer or quit I'm not really sure and.."

"Ritsu!" Takano said with authority. Stopping the rant mid sentence Ritsu merely blinked at him mouth open. "I know you don't trust well, it is partially my fault. You have a lot about you that desired by me at least. You're stubborn, I find that cute. You don't expression your emotions well, by words but you show your emotions with expressions and actions. You get easily hurt, then I'll make sure to not do anything that'll hurt you. But if there is one thing in this world that's certain is... I'll always take you back. Though I hope I don't lose you."

Ritsu blinked once, twice, three times and then his face broke into a bright smile. Takano was taken by the beauty of it and walked over to give his new boyfriend a kiss. Their lips met and sparks flew. The pulled away grinning. Ritsu started to smell smoke when he realized what it was.

"Takano! You forgot about the food! Its burning."  
Takano twisted around to see that Ritsu was right. He moved swiftly to the skillet and yanked it off of the burner and turning the burner of. He looking into the pan and saw that the eggs and bacon were burned beyond being edible. He looked at Ritsu who was doubled over in laughter. He cleaned off the pan and set it into the sink. Ritsu had stopped laughing and was hiding his grin behind his hand.

Takano shrugged. He was in too good of a mood to be put off by a slight failure. However he felt that he needed to wipe that grin off of his lover's face and crossed the distance to the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Ritsu. He smiled down at the man in his arms. Yes this was a good day indeed. It appeared the sun was finally shinning after a long storm.

**And that's it! We are done, with that being said, what's with all the fluff O_o. Well, I hoped you enjoyed and all that jazz. I will miss this story, and I'm not sure I'll write for this fandom again. So thanks to all of my readers that have stuck with me till the end of the story. It really is honoring when so many people like my story. Also, this is my early birthday present to myself(its tomorrow) and all my readers early christmas gift to you! It'd make me happy if you all reviewed it! So later all for the last time in this fandom! ~IF**


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